Our KPS3 leadership team took this on to help us improve. So, I started reading it, and it had some really salient points. The idea is how vulnerable leaders are the best and most courageous. It was well written, and some of the tactics are huge growth areas for me.
The book centers on this quote from Theodore Roosevelt:
It is not the critic who counts… the credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again.. who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.
Here’s the highlights
- People are just… people. During a big speech, Brene imagines the audience in vulnerable moments (holding a child, sitting with a therapist, etc. )
- Leadership is about finding potential in people and to develop that potential
- The way to move info from head to heart is through your hands
- Courage is a skill. It’s made of four skillsets
- Rumbling with vulnerability
- Living into our values
- Braving trust
- Learning to rise
- Build a culture to take smart risks, curiosity, and a culture of crazy ideas
- At the end of my life, I want to say I contributed more than criticized
- Better leadership leads into better parenting
- Vulnerability = uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure
- We really weren’t born to walk alone
- Trust is earned in the smallest of moments
- Seek first to understand. Then to be understood. Be honest.
- Vulnerability isn’t the center of hard emotions (shame, disapproval, grief), it’s the core of all emotions.
- Don’t value all-knowing; value curious and questions
- We are not here to fit in. We’re here to be eccentric, different strange, and ourselves
- Shame is the feeling that washes over us and feel flawed
- Seek excellence, not perfection. Perfection is not a goal; it’s perception.
- It’s not about being right; it’s about getting it right. Leaders ask questions to get to the right solution.
- Don’t be quick with answers; be quick with questions
- Ask, “What does done look like?” Let’s paint done.
- TASC – Whose doing it; whose accountable; what does success look like; check list
- Opposite of play when we work too hard is depression
- Collecting gold stars is no longer the goal when you’re the teacher. Leaders instead give them.
- Push through the discomfort
- Shame – it deals such a painful blow to our self-worth. The less we talk about it; the more it controls us. Shame is I am bad. Guilt – I did something wrong. Embarrassment – feeling will pass.
- Where shame is, empathy is not.
- When you’re delivering news – be kind/courteous/respectful/generous
- Great leaders make tough “people decisions”
- Lead with empathy, not sympathy. Don’t minimize pain. Focus how she’s feeling. Sympathy is degrading.
- Empathy is not connecting to an experience. It’s connecting to the emotions that underpin an experience. It’s connecting to the emotions; not the experience.
- Empathy skills – 1. See the world as others set at that moment. 2. Nonjudgemental. 3 Understand another person’s feelings. 4. Communicate your understanding of that person’s feelings.
- Empathy is about connection. ” She didn’t feel bad for me. She felt pain with me.”
- If you’re not willing to miss 3800 shots from the free throw line, you’ll never be good at making those shots.
- All of us fight that we’re not good enough. Empathy is the heart of connection.
- Parents – teach courage, praise effort, model grit.
- Leadership is the ability to thrive in ambiguity.
- Learning needs to be effortful. It needs to burn similar to any other muscle when it’s being worked.
- Curiosity is an act of vulnerability and courage. It’s correlated with creativity, intelligence, improved learning, and problem solving.
- Albert Enstein – If I had an hour to solve a problem, I’d spend 55 minutes on the problem and 5 min on the solution.
- Curiosity = I’m in for a wild ride. And I’m in for however long it takes to get to the heart of the problem.
- We have to have some level of knowledge to be curious. And to induce curiosity is to use intriguing information to get folks interested so they become more curious.
- Don’t judge outcomes for good or bad. Just read the outcomes as outcomes, learn, and improve.
- People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.
- Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.
- Lead a life with purpose, not the idea to pursue happiness. The first will lead into the second. But the second has deep pits without the first.
- Values – To choose the values that are important to me – purpose, achievement
- Always choose courage over comfort.
- Mastery requires feedback
- When leaning into an uncomfortable situation, be curious (not discourage or intimidated)
- Trust is the glue that holds teams
- Self-awareness is a big key. Always be self-aware of your emotions and do not let them control the situation, but let them be an indicator on how you feel.
- Ask for help. Always. It’s a power move. Leaders actually trust their team more when they ask for help. That builds trust since they have enough self-awareness to know they have too much on their plate.
- Trust is earned in small moments. Not in one big moment.
- Breathing is key to centering yourself. 4 in, 4 pause, 4 out, 4 pause
- In the absence of data we all make up stories. Beware of this internally and your colleagues.